My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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