some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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