my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
