Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
