I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
