So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
