it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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