just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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