I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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