her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
