Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
