idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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