community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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