I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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