I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
