He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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