If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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