She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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