3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
