my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
