Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
