I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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