i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
