So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This is the high leading the old right now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
