Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
