Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How does one acquire holy water?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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