fuck your aforementioned shoe
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it's like heaven, but drunker
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
