Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
