once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
