I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
