So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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