I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
