Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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