So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
