I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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