I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
