It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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