Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
