I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
