Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
