Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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