yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
