He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
