That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
