Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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