im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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