i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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