Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
