when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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