Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
