it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
