No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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