I think my vagina is haunted
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
