I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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