how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
